Quotations

[Coffee Mix-Master]

ITT we use quotations from ourselves and the people around us that are amusing.

On receiving an order for Brown Toast after running out of prepared brown toast.[/u]
Me: "Two teas...and two brown toast........KHAAAAN!!"

On discovering that I did not have the 21st of April off as I had asked for specifically:[/u]
Me: "Oh (name here), you retarded chipmunk."


On pushing the door open too hard and pulling the closing mechanism off the wall.
Me: "Oh, I've broken the door."
Colleague: (Laughs, not believing)
Me: "No, seriously, I HAVE just broken the door."
Coll: "What?!"

(Someone in the kitchen sneezes)
ME: Bless you!
Polish Colleague: Natyusha (or something similar)
ME: What does that mean?
PCol: In my country (Poland) when someone abshis (sneeze) we say this
ME: Aaah, like bless you... Natyus...
PCol: Natyusha
ME: Natyusha
PCol: Who abshis?
ME: Who abshis
PCol: Who abshis?
ME: Who abshis
PCol: Who abshis?
ME: Who abshis...hang on...you mean, oh...it was (chef) in the kitchen! (bangs head against dishwasher in shame that he didn't twig sooner)

Col: (goes to the milk machine) Oh no, I've got no milk.
ME: You can get tablets for that...

ME: But why's the rum gone?
(Tumbleweed)
ME: Doesn't ANYONE get that quote?!

Head-chef: "Oh watch out, Jamie's moon-walking..."
Me: "It's not quite moon-walking...more like Near-Earth Orbit walking..."

Maintenance Man: "Why is it that when you follow a pipe into one side of a wall...it never comes out the other side?"

ME: I know I came in here to do something, but I can't remember what...
Col: Oh...what was it then?
ME: *bangs head against wall*

(Names removed to protect the guilty)

[GhostLiger]

Rofl!

Here's one I said to Wiki the other day while talking about a really horrendous piece of artwork:

"It looks like it was drawn by a three year old who then ate all of his crayons and proceeded to throw up on it XD"

Wiki added "Through his nose" on the end, which pretty much sums it up. XD

[La Volpe]

I've had a few stupid quotes, tho one of 'em I doubt Proboards and Ghostie'd want to see on here XD It was to do with the misuse of a sexual term... |:

[Daft Punksworth]

ROFL...

How about these:

(At Dollar Tree - an American store where everything is a dollar - we carry potting soil during the summer... and whenever I scan it, I say...)
"Talk about DIRT CHEAP."

Or the time someone tried to rip off a coworker...

"Who ripped you off? Can I rip him off? His head, I mean..."

My favourite personal quotes that I came up with:

"Shut your airhole before I turn it into your bloodhole!"

"I'm beyond crazy, I'm psychotic."

"I'm not crazy, I'm insane."

I have more but they're in my quotes doc which is on a disk somewhere.

[Blaze]

LOL!

Oh man, so many, but can't remember them XD I do remember my friend saying this:
"Every time something is made idiot proof, the universe creates a better idiot."

[Coffee Mix-Master]

Some more:

Me: "Hmmm, only thirty in for festival club, that's gone down a fair bit."
Col: "Yeah, perhaps some of them died?"
Me: "Ha, you could be right there, most of them look near it. Last time I did Festival Club I didn't know whether to serve them a parfait or a shotgun blast to the head."

What was meant to be said:
Me: "I thought we were leaving Best Western?"
What was actually said:
Me: "I thought we were leaving Breast...erm..."

The joys of the London Underground
Me: "Exit 5... Where the fuck is Ex... Oh it's behind us..."

[GhostLiger]

Lol, well, at least we now know where exit 5 is!

[Pirate]

Oh the London Underground, I've had so many incidents like that, usually because we can never find the line we need!

[GhostLiger]

Tell me about it! It's like a bloody labyrinth down there!

[Pirate]

Though I suppose if London was ever invaded it'd be a pretty good place to hide out! You've got shelter, its always really warm down there and you've ever got food, albeit from overpriced vending machines!

I think my most confusing underground journey was from the south of Zone 2 to Kew Gardens.. And it had to be on the day the Victoria Line was down, if it hadn't been for that we would've been able to skip about two changes =_=

[GhostLiger]

That's true. Some stations were used as shelters during World War Two after all.

Ouch!

[Coffee Mix-Master]

Ugh, you're telling me Pirate...Bank station is just impossible at the moment because of those escalator works.

[Daft Punksworth]

The Breast one made me think of nickles... See, America has been freakishly undecided on what to do to their quarters, nickles and recently pennies... (Heck, quarters alone, we did the States, now we're doing the Territories, and holy crap, I've gotten word that we're doing freaking National Parks after this!)

Anyway, I was talking to a customer about how the constant change in nickles and quarters was really confusing. She was with two other chick friends and we were all pretty cheerful...

What she MEANT to say:
"I don't know why we can't leave the nickles alone."

what was SAID:

"I don't know why we can't leave the nipples -- I MEAN OH CRAP"

And everyone burst out laughing. XD

[GhostLiger]

Lol, reminds me of the time it was my turn to read aloud to the class from the book we were studying and I struggled with the word Bullocks...

[La Volpe]

Rofl XDD