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Post by La Volpe on Aug 3, 2010 11:14:48 GMT -5
I had another funny one with Ghostie but I cannot recall what it was XD;
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Post by Coffee Mix-Master on Aug 3, 2010 15:35:09 GMT -5
One from Pirates neck of the woods Cumbria? CUMBRIA?! I live at least 100 miles away from there XD This is reminding me, for the last few days I have been DAHN SAAF (in the south) and the number of times I've heard someone saying to my mum Thought you were near Leeds. Cor blimey, Dahn Saaf gal! DAHN SAAF! Wotcha doin dahn 'ere then? Need to get yaself a new ferret? ;D You should hear me when I get into London, my accent really starts going. I love the cockney accent, makes me feel at home for some reason ;D (Strong language) (Strong language)(Strong language and some nudity) |
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Post by GhostLiger on Aug 3, 2010 15:46:13 GMT -5
Courtesy of the Two Ronnies: A long time ago in the days of the israelites there lived a poor man. He had no trouble and strife, she had run off with a tea leaf some years before. He now lived with his eldest bricks and morter Mary.
And being very short of bees and honey and unable to pay the burden on trent, he was temped to go forth into the bristol city and see what he could half-hinch.
He said to his eldest bricks and morter Mary "I will take a bowl of chalk into the town and buy some tobacco for my cherry ripe. And he would put on his arm and rocks and his dicky dirt and his rounder houses and set off down the frog and toad until he reached the outskirts of the bristol.
And people would stare at him for his dicky dirt was torn, his how de does were full of holes and his coat was very westminster abbey. He was also somewhat unclean being too poor to purchase any cape of good hope. His bushel and peck was extremely two thirty.
And people passed by on the other side to avoid the pen and ink. He was truly and ugly man, his north and south drooped, his mince pies were watery and he had a big red i suppose.
One day his bricks and morter gave him some money, saying "here is a saucepan lid, go and buy food. A loaf of uncle fred and a pound of stand at ease. But do not tarry in the town, bring me back what is left of the money to buy myself some new underwear. i need a new pair of early doors. My present ones are full of holes, and i am in a continual George Raft.
But instead of returning with the bees and honey for his bricks and morters early doors. He made his way to the rubadub for a tumble down the sink. And indulged himself freely on the bottle. And he became very elephants trunk and mozart and when the landlord of the rubadub called bird lime, the man set off towards his cat and mouse reeling about all over the frog and toad and drunkenly humming a stewed prune.
And it came to keiber pass that as he staggered along he saw on the pavement a small, brown richard the third. And he stared at it, lying there at his plates of meat. He said "O small, brown Richard the third, how lucky i did not step on you."
And he picked it up and put it on top of a wall where no one could step on it. Then a rich four by two-ish merchant who witnessed the deed, put his hand into his sky rocket and took out a lady godiva and handed it to the man saying "i saw you pick up that richard the third and remove it from the pavement and that was a kindly act. Take this lady godiva for your throth and bubble. The man took it and went on his way, and the richard the third flew back to its nest.
When the man arrived home, his daughter was sitting by the jeremiah on her favourite lional blair. And she arose angrily and said "Once again you come home elephants trunk and mozart. You have spent all the money i gave you, and now i cannot have my new pair of early doors. Niether can i have wine as you do."
And the man said "fear not, here is a lady godiva which i earned by a kindly act."
And the woman was overjoyed and said "Thank you father, now i can have my pair of early doors. Verily, that kindly act has ensured that i have more than enough to covery my bottle and glass |
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Post by Daft Punksworth on Aug 5, 2010 20:25:41 GMT -5
SGP: "Don't mess with a ma named Pa and a kid named Kosher."
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Post by Daft Punksworth on Aug 12, 2010 23:54:14 GMT -5
Aha, here are some fun ones from today... Me: Why is it even called tilefish? Grandma: Because it's flat? Me: But pancakes are flat, and dishes are flat... Mom: But those names are funny. Me: Yep, and fun! "I'd like to eat a pancake...FISH!" Mom: *shakes her head* Me: Dish would be even more fun. "I'd like a dish fish on a dish please." ....... "I'm sorry, we only have dish fish in a bowl." Then later at work, a guy got at least $20 worth of candy... Man: This place has an incredible selection of candy! it's totally sick! Me: The selection of candy is sick, or you are going to be sick after eating it all?  Man: *laughs* Yea, it's like an open bar. Drink till you puke. |
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Post by GhostLiger on Aug 13, 2010 16:09:04 GMT -5
ROFL! It shall now forever be dubbed "Dish Fish"
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Post by Daft Punksworth on Aug 13, 2010 16:49:36 GMT -5
XD It should be! That'd be fun! Especially if they abbreiate the name like they do with other fish names. Instead of like, Spot Fish or Flounder Fish, you could get an order of dish!
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Post by Daft Punksworth on Aug 14, 2010 21:35:17 GMT -5
Oh man, me to deathy just now, talking about claws and ... uh... Z2 Claws...
Hmmm...
How odd to have two silver and two gold.
Oh well
I could put the metal ones on the front for more ...
.....
That pun was so bad even I won't say it.
(I was about to say "more kick" but it was an accidental pun that just ... ouch. XD)
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Post by Blaze on Aug 14, 2010 23:43:41 GMT -5
At Arby's today:
Me: "I'll have the roast chicken sandwich without the vegetables."
Typical retarded teen girl cashier: "Does that include the lettuce?"
Me: "..." *mental facepalm*
After we got our food and sat down to eat
Me: *opens sandwich to put hot sauce on* "They forgot the bacon. Well I guess bacon's a veggie now."
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Post by Daft Punksworth on Aug 15, 2010 0:06:47 GMT -5
LOL oh man, yes without the lettuce, lettuce is a veggie! Did they include the tomato since it's a fruit?
that reminds me of one I heard recently....
"Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad."
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Post by Blaze on Aug 15, 2010 0:36:40 GMT -5
They didn't put tomatoes on either XD
lol! That's a good quote X3
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Post by Daft Punksworth on Aug 15, 2010 9:07:15 GMT -5
This morning, after I took a shower in which I shaved my yeti legs...
Me: I have been de-forested!
Mom: I am de-lighted!
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Post by GhostLiger on Aug 16, 2010 12:36:06 GMT -5
At Arby's today: Me: "I'll have the roast chicken sandwich without the vegetables." Typical retarded teen girl cashier: "Does that include the lettuce?" Me: "..." *mental facepalm* After we got our food and sat down to eat Me: *opens sandwich to put hot sauce on* "They forgot the bacon. Well I guess bacon's a veggie now." That's like when my and Electric went for a Kebab. The guy in the shop asked us several times if we wanted salad, and each time we said no... when we got the Kebabs, they had salad! |
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Post by Daft Punksworth on Aug 17, 2010 15:39:21 GMT -5
Two wtfish ones from work today. XD
Coworker: My butt is hungry.
Me: What?
Coworker: I said my butt is hungry!
Me: Your butt? Is hungry?
Coworker: Yea, I have a wedgie.
Then later, I saw a christmas box on the truck:
Me: CHRISTMAS!
Margie: Yep.
Me: Jingle bells, Jingle bells, jingle all the way! I like to be annoying so I'll sing this song all day, HEY!
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Pirate
Gungyados
Dame Lady Comrade Dr Ambassador Private Pirate PhD BA HMV AMV DBZ DVD MRSA The Third
I'M YELLING
Posts: 1,362
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Post by Pirate on Aug 18, 2010 5:10:14 GMT -5
hahahah! My sister told me her butt was hungry a while back  "I need smaller pants. MY BUTT IS HUNGRY!" "..What?" "It's eating my pants D:" |
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